Good day, Purposeful Hearts! Today we continue our very personal discussion about wading through the waters of grief, and I intend to offer some strategies that have been personally effective for helping me stay resilient during difficult times.
First, resilience isn’t achieved in isolation! A resilient spirit knows where to look for help – it’s resourceful. For example, I wouldn’t have the endurance, the support, the advocacy, the prayers, and the comfort that I do without my network of family, friends, and co-workers. They are like an invisible body of people – seen in my mind’s eye – who holds me accountable for grieving well, grieving thoroughly, and moving forward under God’s direction. They are the voices in my head telling me to get out of bed when it’s hard. They’re the people who know I’m needed by my kids, my students, my family, my church, and they expect me to give my best. If you’re not being personally lifted by your family and social network, it’s time to open up and let them in.
Second, what you’ve connected your identity to matters! Knowing that my identity is found in Christ alone is one of the most significant contributions to my resilience. I am a redeemed child of God, purchased and won with the blood of Christ, no matter what happens during this life. That means that, though I lost my spouse, I didn’t lose who I am. I hadn’t “found myself” because I was Nick’s wife – that title never ruled me. I didn’t lose the fact that I still have a purpose for being here – every single day that I open my eyes and place my feet on the floor to start the day. Regardless of the type of loss you’ve faced, you are still a whole, complete person with a mission just like me!
Third, what happens when you realize your plans aren't the same as God's. Do you label it as failure and shut down? Personal loss is NOT failure; it is God’s intervention in your life to shape you into a more perfect instrument for His service and to make your heart more like Jesus. The sooner you embrace and even desire the hands of your heavenly Father actively working on your heart, the sooner you can let go of the stress about what comes next for you. When has stress or worry ever brought about something productive for you? Let God guide you and be faithful to His leading at every turn. Frame your days and frame your life within God's word. All other forms of love, energy, “self-help” and endurance come from flawed human beings!
Finally, being resilient DOES NOT involve masking or denying emotions. Resilience allows the grieving person to have those lowest moments – all the tears, the hurt, the messiness. However, that resilient person closes these moments with the sure confidence that God heals the hurts, knows the purposes, and holds the future. Those are promises that help the spirit rise, and the body follows!
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