In our last discussion together, we focused on the various mental strategies we have for reframing our worry and attempting to reduce its effects. The math worked out like this: add imaginary control in order to subtract uncertainty, and the resulting number will be greater than your fears every time. As if. Not only is this math nonexistent, but these mental strategies also aren’t sustainable, and they’re not based in reality.
This week, we’ll add to our ineptitude (don’t be insulted; we all do it) by listening to the reframing language we use to escape our fears and worries. One such phrase is, “I don’t have to, I get to” (more on that phrase in my previous blog post here). This phrase sounds awesome on the surface, and I find myself casually saying this to myself at workout time, work time, cleaning time, weed-pulling time . . . and basically every other task I might ungraciously and ungratefully label as obligatory.
The real goal of a phrase like this is to remove the sense of obligation and heighten the feelings of opportunity, seizing the moment, and fearless action. Great! That will fix our problems, right? Isn’t that the kind of thinking we’re going for? At The Purposeful Heart, I prize taking advantage of opportunities that come your way and acting in faith that God holds you and your future. But we fall a bit short of this ideal when we’re merely applying a motivational patch to a deeply rooted problem. When we apply “I get to” thinking to our worry dilemma, we also fall short of addressing what’s really going on in our hearts. Though we might receive a temporary boost in our ability to “pull it together”, it’s a patch job.
Beyond self-talk, reframing can also mean that we describe the situation with different words or labels. Our labels really do matter, and they can change how we feel, how we think about a situation, and even how we act. As a fun example, do you remember the advent of Pull-Ups training underwear for kids? When Kimberly Clark invented Pull-Ups, it was based on an audience analysis that revealed that both kids and parents preferred to think of diapers as a form of underwear or clothing rather than just a waste management device. Calling their new product “Pull-Ups” gave kids a sense of independence and self-efficacy, and parents rejoiced when their children hit this phase of potty training. “I’m a big kid now” – remember? This product “reframe” empowered Kimberly Clark’s target audience, and their sales soared. Labels really do matter, but even they can have a hard time competing with persistent negative thoughts and self-talk.
One final strategy we can use, especially if you’re a person of faith, is prayer. We can academically understand that turning to God in our nightly prayers can allow us to rest more peacefully while we sleep. A friend of mine recently acknowledged that she is great at laying her troubles down in prayer, “but the only trouble is, I pick them up again every morning.” Can’t you relate?
What are we to do with our worries if our solutions and strategies only provide temporary comfort? Stay tuned until next week when we begin our conversation about how to reframe at a deeper level!
Comments